With any luck, the new Nia Vardalos comedy "My Life in Ruins" has already left your cineplex to journey forth to fulfill its natural function as DVD fodder for your local 7-11.
It seems to be another one of those situation where pedigree doesn't amount to a hill of beans. It looked good on paper. The charming, funny Nia Vardalos, the big, fat movie star from her first film "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". Donald Petrie, a fine director of many comedies such as "Miss Congeniality" and "Grumpy Old Men" was at the helm. A more than capable supporting cast, topped off by Oscar-winner Richard Dreyfuss. But somewhere, somehow the whole thing didn't add up. Not even with the help of visual eye candy like the Greek Islands and Alexis Georgoulis. As Irv, Mr. Dreyfuss' on-screen character might proclaim, "It's a shanda!"
I guess the powers that be thought it would be a good idea to play off Ms Vardalos' success. But then its not often that lightening strikes twice. That movie was a charming, family comedy which was a re-telling of the Cinderella story. Trying to bank on another modern fairy tale, this twisted take on Beauty & the Beast makes us wonder: who's Belle? This visually obvious beast is the stunning Mr Georgoulis, who arrives early on the scene as a hairy mop of a bus driver for the tour the that Georgia (Ms Vardalos) is 'forced' to lead. A smart knowledgeable academic of ancient history, Georgia finds misery everywhere. Her international group is a set of stereotypical tourists, her bus has no air conditioning and no one is interested in hearing her prattle on about Greek history. Any iota of charm is devoid in her character. So we have the Beast & the Beast.
Of course as this predictable tale chugs along towards it happy ending (Georgia gets her groove, or 'kefi' back. This is done by having sex. Big surprise.) Georgia is faced with the monumental decision; stay in Greece leading tours with her new hunky lover of a bus driver or go teach in Michigan?
In the immortal words of the Divine Miss M: what kind of asshole question is that?
Stay away and save your money!
Le Rêve Américain
8 years ago
2 comments:
The Holy Father gone to Turkey to redeem and consecrate the Greeks, so don't need no more soviet temples. Don't need no gyro blimpie Bart when got a regular Pope without the diner attitude. My pop kept hitting momma with a skillet on the head. Friends ended up in the hospital after their pop beat them. Pops got drunk and ruined my first car. Killed two cats and a dog, thrown out the window. Neighbor drowned the canaries in ouzo, lit, ate them. Ma overdid whip so she could give less pie. All our stuff came pilfered, with logos. Greeks overcook all meat so no one knows is bad. Another banned tenants flushing toilet paper. Waiters inpune sanitation because "dirty is natural and healthy." Priests just answered "behave, respect, tradition!" Now priest comes "no intercommunion!" Where was he when we needed him to protect us from our crazy parents? Don't sell me "educated Greeks" because we know all them Trojan Horse cheated on the exams. Besides it's just TV repair school. Remember all those jailed old disco Greeks, tax cheats to "protest" Jerome Ford stopping the Trojan Horse in Chyprious? We can't get good jobs because no one trusts Greeks, because of Trojan Horse. They always faked reading Greek. That's why we borrowed regular Catholic books instead of read Greek. Sure, we sacrifice to Greek myths three times a year to please yiayia, and she's nun the wiser when we go to regular Catholic Mass on Sundays when she bummed from bouzaki dances. Ain't need no more Bart, just the regular Pope. That's why we all married regular Catholic when we grew up. So they can trust us.
Greek Altar Boy Crib Sheet: The most common incantation in the Greek Liturgy is "Gyro Lays On" which is to bless the slapping of meat on gyros a shadow set of altar boys are making in the basement. The next most common is "Docks apartheid, go carts for nobody" to bless the racial segreagation of Greek ships, which were the primary vehicle for bringing slaves to America. They also say "To rhapsody the duckies, shoot them, shoot them some more" and "Socks on we must go that not just egg nog sold by garlic Louie" Their lordie prayer is really a witches brew: "Butter lemon on the horizon against dominance, alter the fasolia sou, general tomatoes, eastern horizons, obtuse geese, does the mean simmering, tuna tuna is monitors in pussing, coffee serve offering man, eastern offer toffee latte, alter geese, obtuse boners"
My sentiments exactly Charlie.
I couldn't have put it better, old bean!
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